The Tooth Fairy Strikes

Where are the tooth fairies employed these days? Will someone please let me know? I need to fill out an application asap. It’s outrageous the amounts that I’m hearing kids get for a single tooth. 25 years ago, I got 25 cents and was THRILLED about the treasure I was going to get at the bowling alley. I’ve heard $5/tooth all the way to $20/tooth! Clearly the rate should rise over time, but I’m pretty sure my dad also got a quarter when he was little, so I’m overdue for some back-pay. 

I dreaded the words “I lost my first tooth!”, and the day had finally come. “Great! I’m SO excited for you, now the tooth fairy gets to come!" Fricken A. Addison (my oldest) pulled out her handmade tooth fairy altoid container that her aunt made her for her first birthday. It was a super sweet gift and very thoughtful. I feel like Addison was counting down the years until she actually was able to use it. Neither kid has ever been excited for bed, until now. Addison laid her tooth carefully in the bin and put it under her pillow. While her little sister was screaming “I’m going to stay awake to see the tooth fairy come and trap her!” Scarlett is the type of kid that actually will try. So fabulous. Can’t wait. 

I never thought through the idea of my two girls sharing a room until I had to ninja my way to the bed, after a couple glasses of wine. Let me give you some advice: DO NOT drink more than 1 glass of wine and become the Tooth Fairy. Dodging toys is impossible. I made it next to the bed after stepping on numerous Barbie heads. Thankfully, I have the “clown music” playing and it mummed the silence of Elsa singing her jam after I stepped on her. Addison and Scarlett both moved around and I dropped the ground on my stomach muttering silent f words. I reached my hand under her pillow only to find the LOUDEST tooth box known in history. I opened the creaking tin box - holding my breath that Addison wasn’t going to wake up. I almost passed out, I’m not going to lie. I blindly felt around for the littlest tooth ever, swapping it as fast as I could with $5, shutting the tin and army crawled my way to the door. I could FINALLY breathe. I made it out. Alive and unknown. I went to bed feeling like a legit superhero. 

The next morning I anticipated the excited little minion running into our bedroom. She didn't disapoint, “I GOT FIVE DOLLARS!!! AND I GOT TO KEEP MY TOOTH STILL!”. WHAT. NOT POSSIBLE, I know I grabbed that damn tooth. Being the supportive parent that I am, I said “That’s so great! Now let me see in the tin.” Sure enough, the littlest tooth had broken in two and yep - there was half of it. In the tin, little and broken. I came up with some magical explanation that since it was an important tooth, the tooth fairy must have wanted her to keep it. She was ecstatic and I was still a mystery. It was a successful fairy mission completed. She only has about 20 more teeth to go and she’s only the first kid - how in the world do people do this? This is going to turn out being a nightly occurrence and I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive it; wallet and lungs both.

That tin box is now put to rest and will be a keepsake. From now on, I may be doing a door pillow, has anyone laid eyes on how ingenious these things are? I could drink a bottle of wine and not blow it still. 

Cheers fellow Tooth Fairies - may you remain with your wings flying high and unknown!

Hells

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