Empty-Threat Living

Kids.

They're so damn cute, but such a handful.

One of the best pieces of advice that I got before becoming a parent was, "don't give your kids empty threats". GREAT advice, but totally unrealistic.

Anyone who actually has kids gives at least 3 empty threats, every single day. No need to fact check that, I'm a living testament to it. I thought it would be a super easy, golden rule to parenting, I-can-totally-follow-that idea, I was so so wrong.

My first baby got a lot of extra attention (duh. first born). I never gave an empty threat before she was 2, that I can remember. I had no problem throwing a toy in the garbage, it just meant one less I had to pick up. I never had a problem throwing a treat away because it meant that it saved 5lbs from my own waistline. I felt like a supermom - I'm never giving in. Game over. Mic drop.

Then baby #2 happened. She was the threat-changer. Damn Scarlett. She's so cute with her long lashes and curls. You could take every toy away from her, starve her for days, make her sleep outside with the bears. What would she do? Challenge you. FML. She'll say, "do it". Obviously I'm competitive, so I take the bait. I've taken away every damn toy she's ever glanced at and her response? To keep sassing me, "now what?". I've made her go to bed without dinner before - she just sits in her room crying for hours. Her lungs have always been long-lasting. I wish I would have known what this meant when the doctor told me she had great lungs.

The empty-threats started out small. Taking toys, treats, activities away. All backfired on me when she had zero problems with any of it. I would like to think that she worked the system. Who is giving this child these ideas? I mean, what motivates a 5yo to punch her 2yo brother for walking too close to her? I would like to think that she has inside help. Who are you? I WILL FIND YOU.

My threats now have escalated to just ideas we won't even consider. Every one out of my mouth, I even barely believe. Scarlett doesn't like to sleep anymore. She loves to stay awake and torment the shit out of her older sister until she cries. After the 10th time of seeing those cute-turned-annoying faces, the pretend threats begin.

"I'm going to come up there and rip out those brand new earrings if you don't go to bed!"

Guys. If you read Dreams VS. Reality, you would know that I would rather pierce my own freaking tongue with a rusty, dull nail than go through that experience again. Obviously, I had made it my life-long goal to keep her ears pierced.

Have you ever been somewhere that it's time to leave and the kids won't come? You tell them that you'll leave them there, I'm sure of it. It's a parent's staple sentence. Well, my kids would much rather stay anywhere than at home. I mean if we're being honest, I would love to leave them there too. BUUUUT, the state says that I'm responsible for her at home, empty threats and all.

My newest threat is that we won't be bringing home a puppy in a few weeks. Once they find out that I want the puppy just as much as them, I'll have to start brainstorming my next plan of action. For right now, it works.

What's the best empty-threat you have given your kids?

Happy Monday!

Hells