Have You Been Tested Yet?

I'm not talking testing for STD's.

I'm definitely not talking about testing for COVID.

I'm talking marriage kind of tested. Like... did you end up on SNAPPED, or did you kiss and make up?

If you can make it through ridiculously stressful situations like I've had below, you'll be celebrating your Golden Anniversary in no time. Me? I'm going to make it to the 100 year anniversary with all of the stress my marriage and relationship have sustained.

Let me start off by saying, I do love my husband, like a lot. BUT. Man can his stressed out attitude in chaotic situations make me grow gray hairs within seconds. We have made it through many, many hard times. We've survived the unforeseen plane crash he was in, the recovery, the tears. We've survived the first year of marriage with many new annoyances. We've survived the newborn baby stage (x3) living on zero sleep. But, we almost did not survive changing a flat tire on the side of the freeway. If you can get through a situation like that? You are soulmates. No question. Mic drop.

It started off like any other day this week: cranky kids, lots of coffee, and dirty dishes. Then out of nowhere, I got an impulsive urge to buy a motor home. We didn't put any research into it, just went for the first thing in our budget; a 1989 Winnebago for less than $5,000. Sounded like a steal of a deal, but little did we know that it would what would test our marriage to the extreme. We drove the 2.5 hours north to check out this junky looking new traveling home we would call ours. The outside definitely needed work, but the inside was decent and could easily be good with a little TLC: SOLD. Our own little slice of shit for the freeway.

Our girls were ecstatic. They were bouncing around everywhere in there. I followed behind the motor home watching heads bobble around everywhere and could only imagine the giggles. I kept thinking about all of my exciting new DIY things I would get to do. Then. Just as the sun set.

BOOM.

1 Hour away from home and we blew a front tire.

F ME.

I actually was pretty terrified to even make eye contact with my husband when he got out of the shit-mobile. Here he was driving a motor home that he didn't want and now we're on the side of the freeway in the dark countryside with a flat tire. No tools. No floor jack. 3 screaming kids. 1 fresh 8 week old puppy. No stores within 30 miles, fantastic.

After analyzing the situation and lots of snide remarks to each other, we jumped inside our car and drove to the next exit in hopes for an auto store. Nothing. A motel and a closed gas station. I suggested we go to the motel crossing my fingers that maybe they would have a floor jack that we could borrow. Now, if you have seen any kind of horror movie and a motel - picture that, but with us in it. My husband said, "great, so this is where we're going to die," and I didn't think he was wrong. We rolled our window down and asked the drunk scary people if they would be able to help us. To our surprise, yes - they could! They said to follow them back to one of the last rooms. Did I mention that there were no lights at this motel besides the MOTEL sign?

FUN TIMES.

The shirtless-toothless guy handed us his floor jack with no questions asked. We took the jack and raced back to the motor home to get this nightmare over with. Kids had to pee, dog had to crap, the smallest kid had a diaper exploding with pee, it was such a fun family outing. I mean, what better place to experience it all than on the side of the freeway?!

Pitch black and a cell phone flashlight. After not being able to take any more screaming from our car, I threw the dog in the motor home so she would stop licking the harnessed-in kids to death. My husband was snarky. I was oblivious on what to do. The dog crapped inside the shit-mobile, only made sense.

TIRE CHANGED. My husband is a magician and saved the day. Getting back in the motor home and stepping in dog crap was probably the highlight of his night, I can only imagine though.

We returned the jack and headed home. It was perfectly foggy can-barely-see conditions, I wouldn't expect anything less. My husbands ride was silent and very smelly. Mine was very loud and smelled like pee. I laughed almost the entire way home that I think my kids thought I went crazy. While lying in bed, my husband and I had a dang good laugh thinking about how the night went and how we couldn't even make it up if we had tried to. Also, just another super important reason to remind the kids to do their homework. Not just about math, but about the vehicles they're going to be purchasing.

I can't wait to sink my money into this piece of junk. It's going to be wonderful.

XO

Hells