HOW TO: Take a professional-looking family picture

We all want them and less than half of us actually have them.

During all of the years that I took pictures of other families, you would be shocked to hear just how many people say "this is the only time a year we get a family picture". I'm a freak. There's no way around it. I couldn't imagine just a handful of pictures of my family. My husband has no clue how lucky he has it that we have family photos every.other.week. Totally not even exaggerating.

We've all read the posts about take the picture no matter what you look like. TBH, do you? I flippin don't. My husband has a very different idea of angles than I do. His angles would include everything super-sized while I want to pretend I have a thigh-gap. He would love to parade photos of me around social media with my dark circles looking a little too vampire-ish. Maybe my insecurities are dumb to some, but I don't want to remember the way some of these pictures highlight my cellulite. I'll crop my face onto a model and Photoshop a hot-bod with my kids. Let them remember me that way. Pro of knowing my way around Adobe I suppose.

Over the years, I've learned some tricks and tactics to taking pictures, so I'm going to share a few that helped me. Local photographers are going to start booming with excited customers, while you wait your turn , you can work on your skills. 25 family photo shoots a year like me may be excessive, but I do highly suggest at least once or twice having someone else take even just a handful of pictures for you. The experience alone is worth it. Kids always seem to cooperate better for other people. HMM. Funny how that happens.

Here are somethings I've learned to help take a professional looking photo (even if it's with your cell phone!)

DO's:

DO dress everyone in similar colored clothing. I would suggest colors that compliment others and only one pattern per 3-4 people. Pops of matching patterns (like buffalo plaid) bring everyone all together if you want to go that route. Personally I like to stick to solids and neutrals, they don't fade as fast as the current fashion trends.

DO bribe your kids. I usually have their most desired candies only a second away. I use a lot of threats like losing their toys one by one. Whoops - secret revealed.

DO fill in the gaps. Know what I mean? Have 3 little kids - one parent hold one in the middle while the other two are in front covering your legs. SQUEEZE! I swear, it probably feels like you can almost taste the persons breakfast next to you, BUT even the smallest gap will look like your social distancing in the picture.

DO set a timer. Make sure you have everyone ready, then bolt. Know where you're going and don't forget to breathe. Just remember - if you choose to breathe through your nose, don't flare 'em. Ain't nobody want to see those nose hairs.

DO use a filter on the picture. FILTER FILTER FILTER. These make the biggest difference. You can download a ton of different apps on your phone, but TBH a lot of phones already have some pretty great ones on them. My go-to: VIVID or VIVID WARM on i-PHONE.

DO look at each other and laugh. I used to try and come up with jokes, but it turns out that I don't know any kid-friendly ones. I decided to just say it like it is. "LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND LAUGH". It works, go figure. These are my favorite because they're ridiculous and dumb. They're also always the ones I hang up on my wall.

DO pose in front of something besides your front door. Choose a field or wooded acres. Even that bare tree in your front yard will do. Cut out the busy-ness of your background, it makes the picture look that much more professional.

DO take a picture with just your spouse, significant other, partner. Just like you want to remember the kids at this age, you'll be thankful that you also remembered your love.

DO take more than 5 pictures. You're bound to have at least one that you'll like. It's also okay if one of your kids isn't smiling, if you made it through without any tears, you've succeeded.

DO HAVE FUN! If this doesn't go as planned - try again tomorrow. The more fun you have with it, the more often you'll want to do it and love the pictures.

DONT's:

DO NOT go crazy with your outfits. Nobody wants to look at pictures that look like a clown threw up the circus.

DO NOT forget to smile. Even if it's stressful, pretend it's not. You don't want that onnnnnnne picture to be the one every is adorable in while you look like Satan's offspring. I could show you some pictures, but then I might have a lawsuit. TIP: Smile while you're yelling, it'll terrify the kids also, so maybe they'll cooperate better.

DO NOT schedule this around kids nap times. UNLESS you want to know what it would be like to live a real nightmare. More power to you I guess. Good Luck!

DO NOT get in a fight with your spouse, significant other, or partner right before pictures. Been there, done that. Husbands especially don't cooperate after they were just yelled at. Who knew?! Plus, once it's time for lovey-dovey pictures, they might whisper how they would wack you.

DO NOT chew gum. This always happens, always. I've seen more tonsils than I can count. SPIT IT OUT.

DO NOT do pictures during a heatwave. I'm talking 85+ degrees. TALK ABOUT MISERABLE. Every person is cranky. Every person is hot. Every person hates this. Guaranteed. Even you.

DO NOT get creative. About 90% of people try to recreate a Pinterest picture (me being one) and about .01% actually succeed (not including me). You don't look like the person and the background is not even remotely comparable to what you're trying to recreate. Give it up. Go simple.

DO NOT wear ponytails on your wrist. Check and then check again. This is my number one thing to look for at photo shoots. Almost everyone does it, you're not alone.

I could go on and on, but these should help at least get one photo for you. If none of these tips worked for you, then pretend you never read this and don't tell me. Win some, lose some. Eh.

May the odds be ever in your favor. Also a good tip I've learned is that a glass of wine actually tastes 1,000x better after stress-fully doing all of this.

XO

Hells