You Suck.

Yep. I said it. You suck.

I'm 100% jealous of you.

Your house is newer and better decorated. I've been in my house for 5.5 years and barely have anything on the walls while yours is straight out of a Joanna Gaines catalog. You have an eye for design with an open budget - I live on a thrift store budget with blind eyes.

Somehow your kids aren't tyrants when you're taking pictures of them, how is this even possible? I try and try, my patience just isn't there. My kids scream and cry and I settle for it. I tell myself next time, but I know that it's always going to be a lost cause.

I'm tired and you have the energy of a marathon runner. I wake up and depend on coffee to get me through at least an hour. The TV is on and my kids haven't even begun to think about changing their underwear, still rocking the messy braids from 3 days ago. You drink tea and start a fun craft with your perfectly dressed kids. Your days must have many more hours than mine do. That's all I can figure out.

You work out. I eat cake. I tell myself after seeing your fabulous physique that tomorrow is the day I change my diet. BUT I know this week isn't looking good, maybe not even next week. Soon though, soon. I want to wear that crop top just like you.

You have "you time". I have no time. I see you there reading your book in peace. I'm here dealing with meltdowns looking at my bookshelf full of promising never-going-to-happen novels. Do you have a full-time nanny? Tell me how you make this happen? When do you find the time?

Why is your house so clean? Everything is white and there aren't smudges on your walls. Do you even live in your house? Maybe your kids don't actually live there. Maybe they don't eat inside the house. My kids don't even have to touch food in order for my walls to get dirty. It's like they're magicians. They look at a wall and BAM. It's full of chocolate.

You have the patience of a saint. I try. I really do. I pray for patience daily. I even take a "happy" pill. I still don't have it. I'm happy, but without the patience. That's a thing, right? You can calmly explain to your kids how to change their attitude. I raise my voice and wish I wouldn't.

How come you can take beautiful selfies without any makeup on and look like a super model? I tried and I looked about 20 years older. My wrinkles showed through and my eyes looked more tired than I even felt. Is my double chin that noticeable to other people? Ugh.

You don't drink. I think this is a lie. You have to drink, right? You DO actually have kids, right? I drink so often that they think anything in a can is no question, a beer. How can you parent without alcohol? I can't even imagine a motherhood without alcohol. Any tips?

After making a list on how I wish I could be you, I've decided: This is it. I'M DONE.

Social media has had the best of me far too long and I'm no longer going to be a hostage. I see you there in your perfect house with perfect children and I'm calling bullshit. I see you there posing in front of your clean corner while looking at the piled up dishes behind your phone. I see your kids screaming and throwing tantrums, yet you choose to upload a photo from a well-behaved day a month ago. I see you crying when you're driving alone. I see you in your happy times, I see you in your sad times. I see you.

I'm throwing up my hands and going to flat out admit it. I'm 100% jealous of your make believe life, but, I'm also grateful for it. It reminds me to see how perfect my imperfect life is. Every day when I see your photos and think about how much better your life is, I'm envious. I get down on myself, my self-esteem plummets. I catch myself just before falling and say, "Not Today Satan".

You and I are both healthy in our own ways. We both love our kids. We each value different things and that's okay - God loves us both the same! You and I parent different, but our kids know how much we love them. We both know that social media is a trick. You know by posting a picture of a perfect moment that it's not completely how perfect your life is, and I know that too.

SO. Let's stop the make believe. Build up a mom today. Tell her something uplifting. Give her an air-hug. Motherhood is HARD. It's full of flaws, yet raw beautiful moments. It's full of love.

Be a light in someone's life. Today. Every Day.

XOXO

Hells